A Memorandum | Why being alone doesn’t mean being lonely

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Hello guys!

As you know Storm moved to the Asian continent a couple of weeks ago, specifically to Hanoi City. It’s been a real transition of course, but seeing as we already experienced years of distance relationship prior to moving to Cape Town together, there are some thoughts I would like to share with you on the topic of “being alone”.

We as humans are ‘constructed’ to be social. Everyday, we interact and communicate with other people, seek validation from others and therefore find meaning in and shape who we are. In society, most people think that the more social a person is perceived to be, the happier they must be. Being alone is being treated equally as being lonely. While the Oxford dictionary defines ALONE as “having no one else present; on one’s own.” the next definition of this adjective is described as “Isolated and lonely.” This negative connotation is not a surprise, as many feel like being alone is the absence of something else. Solitude has evolved into a undesirable state of being. However, I must disagree.

Of course not all people have the choice to seek companionship, but for those who do, choosing solitude might be a refreshing alternative. Everyday we are exposed to stimuli such as messages, calls, and social media. No one HAS to be alone with this ever-surrounding abundance of social proximity. Thus, it is even harder to free yourself of these influences and to make the conscious decision to be ALONE.

When our partner is absent of course we miss them and their companionship. We love every minute we spend with them and see them as our best friends and conversation partners. Being without them always tests our own personality. If being with them means being in the happiest state we could possibly pursue, then being without them must mean sheer misery. However, one may find that there lies happiness in both the presence and absence of a partner and that only the balance of both may ultimately render us happy. Only if you learn to be your own person, to genuinely love yourself and to pursue your own dreams, you can find happiness in a relationship. A relationship is of course a compromise, a compromise one makes for the greater good of both being happy. Losing yourself and giving up on your own aspirations however, ultimately serves no one. Thus, being alone gives you time and space to re-evaluate your own status quo, getting in touch with your emotions and to do some soul searching into what brings YOURSELF happiness. Partnership is a big aspect of this as we are SOCIAL BEINGS, yet is remains just ONE.

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Choosing to be alone is a refreshing and daring move that will put your own happiness to the test. It will allow youto practice self-love and to become who you really need to be. In this hectic life full of stimuli we barely confront these matters. We don’t really “deal” with ourselves simply because we don’t have to. However, only if you truly worship yourself and your space you will be able to extend that love to others. Even if we don’t always intend on changing for a partner, we often find that subconsciously and often unsolicitedly, we have given up on small hobbies or habits that we enjoy and increase our dependence. Taking time to pursue these things, not because anyone else enjoys them but you, will show you a new state of being.

Consequently, what is left to say is that being ALONE hardly ever means being lonely. Being ALONE is not necessarily bad and also be beneficial to your health in that it allows you to recharge yourself. So being ALONE definitely harbours some benefits  – we have just forgotten how nice it can be and how much more we will appreciate the company of others afterwards….

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